Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Bachelor

You would think that the twenty five women on "The Bachelor" would have self-esteems of steel and be proud as punch to be who they are...I mean they are one of twenty five women out of thousands to be chosen to be on a hugely popular tv show, so they have to be beautiful, and skinny enough to prance around on camera in their bathing suits or frolicking in the hot tub. But, NO! That is not enough for these beotches...they want instant verification that Brad is obsessed with them and that they are GUARANTEED a rose, otherwise they are going to pout, pretend to be dying, or taunt and torture the girl they are afraid IS one of Brad's favorites. It is so insane...but guess what???? It is the main reason I watch The Bachelor. I can't resist delving into the psyches of these insecure and jealous lunatics! So I am going to point out the top most annoying Bachelor we GO!!!
1) The very first episode where each woman gets out of the limo one at a time and meets the bachelor. Each woman knows they have to make a good and memorable first impression so they resort to semi-retarded and awkward introductions like: speaking a different language, or asking a question that they think is cute and unique like, "what do you put on your hot dog?" C'mon, give a freaking break.
2)  The frolicking...What do I mean by frolicking? You know, pretending to play tag or splashing each other in the pool. My favorite is when they try to act like they just LoOoVvveee sports and in their heels and gowns start tossing a football like as if to say, "Look at me...I can be beautiful and glamorous one minute, but I can let down my hair and toss a football...See how playful and versatile I am?" You know they are really thinking, "whatever dude, I hate sports but If I tell him that I ain't got a chance in hell."
3) Ok, is it just ME or does any one else not give a shit if they ever take a ride in a helicopter? Please for the sake of humanity can't the producers on the show come up with any other date ideas? It was cool maybe once, but if I was the one on the date and saw that helicopter landing I would be one pissed off chick. How flipping boring? Yippee skippy!!!! But each woman upon learning the fate of the helicopter date acts like she has just won the lottery..."Oh my God, no wayyyyy, how amazing...this is amazing, what an amazing experience with an amazing guy."
4) The blatant overuse of the word "amazing" to describe every epic moment on The Bachelor.
5) The token psycho chick. The girl that is used to getting her way and being the center of attention with men. This is a shock to her that she has to share the bachelor, even though she has probably seen every episode/ season and knows this is basically the theme of the show. DUH. And when this particular girl isn't getting a rose for the group dates or getting enough one on one time she knows that if she suddenly walks away and sulks, the bachelor is going to come running after her, to which she will give the old..."I am not used to sharing a guy, this is new to me...guys always come after meeee"(as she gives him the old doe eyes and twirls her hair with her finger)
6) The panic that sets in when a girl gets it into her head that she may not be getting a rose and she may be...GASP...going home. In this case the girl decides to pull Brad aside and say something to the effect like: "You haven't gotten to know me don't know the REALLLLL Meeeeeee...I haven't put myself out there...I am an independent and strong woman therefore I am not used to having to go after and pursue the guyyyyy...I have been through alot in my life and am soooo wise that all these little games the other girls play are sooooo immature and beyond me"...blah,blah,blah,blah,blah. They know that there is just no chemistry or connection so this is their one last ploy to say if you really knew me you would love me!!!! HAHAHA
7)Why is the bachelor so damn blind???? Obviously to the audience we know the real deal because we see what The Bachelor doesn't, but it appears that they always let the WORST women hang around the longest. I don't get it, but men do this in real life all the time so WOMEN are used to imitating life!
8) How is it that ALL twenty five women are deeply in love with the bachelor??? I find this one of the most baffling traits of the entire show! I guarantee if you stick me in a dating situation with twenty five men there may not even be ONE that I could even stand. I guess looks are just maybe not as important to me...I don't know, but how can EVERY one of them say they see a future with him? Is it the game and the competition? Is it woman against woman? I don't buy it...
9)Why does the stone driveway in front of the house always look soaking wet???
10) Last but not least, what's with the constant, "Can I steal you away for a second?" O.M.G. I can't stand when The Bachelor is in a 5 second conversation with a girl and another girl knows this and asks to talk to him. I think this should be banned from the show. It should be a rule that only Brad can end a conversation with a girl and walk away if he wants to spend time with another girl, otherwise it's this super annoying tug-of-war with these crazy beotches peeking over walls to see if he is kissing someone so they can quick run over and interrupt. The piece de resistance? Is that spelled right? lol. Oh well....Is when a girl already HAS a rose before the rose ceremony but still is such an insecure attention whore that she has to insert herself into a conversation between the bachelor and some girl who not only HAS no rose, but has maybe had five minutes of conversation with him in five weeks. THAT burns my butt!!!
11) Ok, one moreeeee...Is America so extinct of decent guys that we keep having to recycle the same guys from the previous shows that were maybe rejected, for the next bachelor???? This is so why do they have that little announcement before every commercial, "If you know of anyone who could be the next bachelor..."when they know they are already going to recycle the guy from the last bachelorette who everybody loved because he was the nice guy and grew up with acne? Sheesh!

This blog is dedicated to my girlfriend Maribeth who needed a good laugh!!! :)


  1. Thanks Jill! I haven't started watching this season yet. I wait for some of the drama to pass. Maybe I'll start watching tonight.

    Love ya!

  2. Jill you are a stitch. I wonder how much of the stupid stuff is staged. You know, to draw in the women who like to analyze it. hehe!

  3. Lol! I'm with Donna, I'll bet a lot of the stuff IS staged. It's too crazy not to be. I will not be watching it anytime soon. :)

  4. Maybe some of it is staged or manipulated to look a certain way,but I guarantee you with that many women under one roof it is going to be one big dysfunctional chaotic drama anyway. LOL