The Cleanse.................UGH.

  So one day as I am surfing YouTube for video blogs about weight loss, different diets, before and after pictures etc. and I came across a video diary about "The Master Cleanse"...otherwise known as "The Lemonade Diet."  Just out of curiosity I began to watch the series of daily updates from this one particular girl, she seemed very perky and upbeat about the whole thing and aside from a few complaints acted like it was the easiest thing in the world. I then watched several other video blogs about this diet, amazed at the willpower of these women and how much weight they were losing in such a short period of time. I began to think, "Gee it doesn't seem that hard and it would definitely be nice to not have to think about what I am eating for 10 days," because basically you are just drinking the lemonade mixture and drinking an herbal tea laxative every night. Not only did the quick weight loss sound appealing but it seemed like a very healthy thing to do: getting rid of toxins built up in the body and cleaning my digestive system out. So that is what I did, and this is how it went...

First thing is that you should probably buy the book because it explains the whole process, why each ingredient in the juice is necessary, side effects, etc. etc. I noticed that the tone of the author of this book is a tad bit self righteous and it is clear he is one of those "Organic, vegan, cleansing maniac" types, so I took it with a grain of salt because of course HE thinks that everyone should try this. The first mention about how long to do the cleanse he says that lots of people do it for 40 days. Ummm, not this people, are you freaking nuts? Then he proceeds to say that 10 days should be enough to get the maximum benefits and that is generally the norm. Yeah buddy, and I am going to be lucky if I can do that!!!!

Day 1: Of course this day goes well because I am a little excited about it and have not had any deep hunger pangs yet, so I drink my juice like a good little freak and my herbal tea. I have to say that the juice isn't bad at all, it basically tastes like lemonade...although the cayenne pepper gives it a little kick and I feared that I was going to get VERYYY sick of that ingredient. I was right. Day 2: I have had to servings of the herbal laxative tea and I am expecting to have a very scary day of "eliminations and BM's"...but honestly nothing out of the ordinary happened, except a few more than usual. :) I kept hearing horror stories about the things that came out of people so I was expecting the worst. Day 2 was pretty hard. I got very hungry and was starting to get crabby. Uh oh. I also felt sort of depressed and deprived...not sure how long I could stick with it. Day 3: Better than day 2, a little hunger and I am starting to get verrrry sick of the lemonade. It was becoming harder to slam down. Not as grumpy, but definitely on edge. Day 4: Met my girlfriend at the gym and had a huge burst of energy...I need to say that the first few days I was super tired, but then again I got my period on day 3 so that probably had something to do with it. Sooo I had a great workout and felt much less tired today, was beginning to think I might be able to go longer...but also contemplating stopping so I could enjoy my weekend and eat fooooood again. Day 5: Thought about stopping but then my husband complained about how many lemons and limes I had left...so in a fit of rage I flipped out and basically said I wouldn't dare stop until every last damn lemon and lime were gone. I was, uhhh, very irrational. I then continued with the cleanse even though the thought of one more sip of the juice was grossing me out and the cayenne pepper just seemed unbearable to drink. I am starting to hate everyone that can eat! I am jealous that everyone can have food but me! I am bitter and feel SOOOOO sorry for myself that I can't eat...a...morsel. This is I know, ridiculous, because I decided to start this cleanse. This is MY choice. Yet I have a grudge against anyone that eats, every food commercial, every smell from a restaurant in a parking lot...everything!!!!!! Day 6: I wake up pretty early and don't feel tired so I meet my husband and son at the gym and had a good workout, and then came home and had some juice. You are supposed to have at minimum 6 servings of the lemonade and up to 8 or 10, but I can barely get to 7 servings without being disgusted. lol. I am going to go to at least day 8 and then I will probably stop and then transition to the foods that the book suggests: fresh squeezed orange juice, vegetable soup broth, fruit salad etc...so in my opinion I am still doing it (the cleanse) because you are not supposed to just go back to real solids or "bad foods" right away. I think the author would be happy if I just never ate again...

To end on a happy note, in 6 days I have lost about 12 pounds. YAYYYY!!! Of course everyone says that I will gain it back right away as soo as I start eating...Debbie Downers...I am not planning on it though, I figure If I go back to my 1400 calories a day and exercising why the hell would I gain it back???? I would understand if I gain 1 or 2 pounds of water, but I do NOT intend to gain all 12 plus whatever I lose in the next 2 days back. No way Jose'. So I will update everyone on the end of the cleanse and my results. Wish me luck or please just pray that I don't kill anyone before this is over. :)

Well I guess it has been almost 6 weeks now since I started my "diet"...and things are going well, but not as well as I would like them to of course. Going well for me would be 5-7 pounds a week,  not 1-3, even though I know it's healthier to lose more slowly...but whatever. I am grumpy this week. I should have blogged last week when I had lost 5 more pounds, I was feeling hyper and super positive, not like this moment where I wanna scream, "To hell with being thin, it ain't happening and I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!." Damn, it isn't fair, why the heck do I have to deal with this crap? How come it takes me mere minutes to GAIN weight, but weeks, months, and years to lose???? I have decided I hate naturally skinny people and I really wish they would mysteriously drop dead one at a time until they are all wiped off this earth. How can a person who has a ton to lose be at a plateau already? That is  insane. I would prefer to constantly keep dropping pounds until I get to about 20 pounds from my goal, and THEN I can plateau...but I have only lost about 12!!!! OMG!!!! I am not bitter...

So now I am on a pretty regular exercise regime, going from the gym some days to using my treadmill, weights, and elliptical the other times...that's a positive. I was wondering when the urge to exercise on a daily basis would kick in, it took long enough. haha. I'm not saying I enjoy exercising, but it makes me feel like I am actively doing something about my weight loss. Counting calories and eating healthier etc, is essential but I still feel full and bloated which really makes me feel like I am not losing. I know that's crazy by the way and it's just a mind game. I love to weigh myself in the morning when I am naked, starving, and know that I didn't eat much the night before. Wow. I wonder if that's the way anorexics think. Puhleeze...I couldn't be anorexic if I wanted to...plus my body would just assume it's starving and proceed to use the fat stores in my body dating back to 1979. I would probably be the only person on the planet to starve for a month and not drop an ounce.

This just might be the most negative blog everrrrr, so if you are looking for diet inspiration today isn't the day...